When “Unintentional” Still Hurts – Rethinking Ghosting
We’ve all been there. Scrolling through social media, we stumble across a post from someone we haven’t spoken to in ages. Maybe it’s a friend, a former colleague, or even someone we once considered close. And then it hits you – you unintentionally ghosted them.
Not in a malicious way, of course. Life just… happened.
You got busy, overwhelmed, or maybe you simply lost track. But the truth is, regardless of intent, the notion of ghosting hurts. It leaves the other person feeling confused, unimportant and even rejected.
This was brought home to me recently when I received an email from a dear friend I had unintentionally ghosted. Her message was kind but firm, reminding me of the importance of open communication and support, especially among women. It was a much-needed wake-up call.
A Different Perspective
Interestingly, around the same time, another friend reached out. She hadn’t heard from me in a while, and she was simply curious to know how I was doing. There was no judgment, no assumptions, just genuine curiosity. It made me realise how differently we all interpret silence. This is a moment to rethink ghosting—or our perception of ghosting.
I rarely, if ever, think of a friend going quiet as “ghosting” when people don’t connect with me. I think of them as having busy, full lives with lots of commitment.
It’s fascinating how differently we can perceive the same experience. Over the years, I’ve consciously let go of about five relationships. For me, this was about setting boundaries, not ghosting. But I realise now that the line between the two can be blurry.
The term “ghosting” is relatively new, and it seems to carry a heavier weight than simply “losing touch.” Have our lives become so busy and demanding that we’ve lost sight of the nuances of human interaction? Is missing a message from 2021 truly a “terrible” offence, or is it simply a consequence of our overflowing inboxes, ever-growing to-do lists, and seasonal overwhelm?
Social media plays a significant role in shaping our views on ghosting. The constant stream of online interactions creates an expectation of instant replies and perpetual availability. When those expectations aren’t met, it’s easy to jump to conclusions and label it “ghosting.”
But what if we took a step back and considered the intent behind the silence? What if, instead of assuming the worst, we extended the benefit of the doubt and acknowledged that life sometimes gets in the way?
This isn’t to say that the perception of being ghosted isn’t hurtful. It absolutely can be.
But perhaps by recognising the different perspectives and pressures surrounding this issue, we can cultivate more empathy and understanding in our communication.
Why We Ghost (Even When We Don’t Mean To)
- Overwhelm – Life can get hectic. Juggling work, family, and personal commitments can leave us feeling drained, and sometimes, maintaining relationships fall by the wayside.
- Fear of Difficult Conversations – It’s easier to avoid a potentially awkward or uncomfortable conversation than to confront it head-on.
- Poor Communication Habits – We may simply not be in the habit of regular communication, leading to unintentional fading away from relationships.
- Mental Health Struggles – Anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges can make it difficult to engage with others, even those we care about.
The Impact of Unintentional Ghosting
Being unintentionally ghosted can be a deeply unsettling experience. It leaves you questioning yourself and the relationship, often without any clear answers. This lack of closure can be especially damaging, as it prevents you from fully processing the situation and moving forward.
- Rejection – It can feel like a personal rejection, leading to self-doubt and lowered self-esteem.
- Confusion – The lack of closure leaves the person wondering what they did wrong.
- Hurt – It can damage trust and make it difficult to form new relationships.
5 Ways to Reach Out After Unintentionally Ghosting Someone
It’s never too late to try and mend fences. Reaching out after ghosting someone can be daunting, but it’s a crucial step towards taking responsibility and rebuilding trust. Remember to approach the conversation with sincerity and empathy.
- Acknowledge your mistake – Take responsibility for your actions and apologise sincerely.
- Validate their feelings – Let them know you understand why they feel hurt and confused.
- Explain (briefly) what happened – Offer a concise explanation without making excuses.
- Focus on the future – Express your desire to reconnect and rebuild the relationship.
- Be patient – It may take time for the other person to forgive and trust you again.
My experiences have served as powerful reminders that even unintentional ghosting has consequences and that we all perceive communication and connection differently. Let’s commit to open communication, honest conversations, and prioritising the relationships that matter most.
RESOURCES AND NEXT STEPS
If you’re looking for more information or support on this topic, here are some valuable resources:
- Follow along on LinkedIn HERE
- Find out more about our women’s leadership programme HERE
- Book a conversation to see how we can help you with you mindset HERE
- Have meaningful conversations. Connect with your people deeper by sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Use our Flip The Thinking Tool kit and share it with people around you. See how it helps you enrich the connection and conversation.